we have officially lost it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
