i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
