I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
