I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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