I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
