I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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