Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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