Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
