her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
