found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i now understand why vodka
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
