I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
