He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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