My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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