We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
