go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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