Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
