i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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