Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
