im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
