I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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