So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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