Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
