he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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