Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
