Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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