Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I did not marry a roomba.
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