It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with