I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dating After Heartbreak
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night