just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So squirting runs in the family.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear