I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.