Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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