At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.