The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.