i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize