my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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