I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
