what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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