sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
