Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
