Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
