Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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