I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
