Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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