She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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