my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
