apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
