So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
