So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
