I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
