They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize