why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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