Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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