I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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