He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
