K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
