Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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