Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Help me help you realize you are a moron
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
