My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
