I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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