My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
