Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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