Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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