you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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