My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Randomize
