Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
