twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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