if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
