I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
