I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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