There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
