whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
