Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
