God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize