Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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