have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
