like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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