it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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