How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
