he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
