This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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