This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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